With tears in my eyes I am writing today, maybe it will help me deal with the pain.
PAIN ...........
The question is rather, where do I not have pain.
I did not want to complain so it would seem that I was trying to updo others in pain, but reality is I have a lot of Friggin pain.
The last thing I wrote was how shot to hell my right leg is. End of June I am getting a second opinion on it. Even with the knee replacement about two years old, my bone structure is also shot to hell. So the only thing to do is walk only in house, the rest in Wheelchair. Hoping that infection and inflamatory reactions stay away, because one day maybe this year, maybe in five years depending on circumstances, my leg will need to be amputated.
So wheeling around has caused my right shoulder, already in pretty bad shape, to further dislocate and my collarbone as well. Both keep popping out, pain and inflamatory reactions.
I:ve been doing much everything with my left arm. Result pain and elbow keeps dislocating causing inflamatory reaction and little bones popping out of place in my hand and wrist as well. Friggin pain.
I am afraid to go to sleep at night, because I keep waking up from the friggin pain and my body spread out like I just jumped of a 12 story building, knee, shoulder, elbow, what not out of place. The worst pain is the shooting pains in my back, specifically in the lumbar area. Several vertebrae out of place. Friggin pain.
Just back from the physical therapist, stumbling in the house from the pain. Can't walk, can't use the wheelchair, in Friggin pain.
Yet I keep smiling like nothing is the matter, pretending that I don't have pain. Today the smile has dissapeared with tears instead. Nausea from the pain has overcome me.
FRIGGIN PAIN!
